Unveiling Legacies: The Transformative Power of Self-Narration
How do you summarize a lifetime when you are still trying to figure out if you properly said goodbye?
This was the poignant question Shane Woods posed in her contribution to the book I Said What I Said: An Anthology of Black Women In Non-Profits. Titled “Be the Narrator of Your Own Story,” Shane’s chapter began with her reflecting on the flurry of questions that filled her mind upon returning home from a retreat in Costa Rica, only to learn that her mother had passed while she was away.
Still reeling from the news of her mother’s passing, Shane was entrusted with the responsibility of delivering a eulogy. This marked the beginning of her quest to unveil her mother’s most cherished values. Through heartfelt conversations with her mother’s close friends, cousins, brothers, and ex-husband, a common thread emerged — the immense pride and joy her mother found in her three daughters.
However, despite receiving testimonies from those who had a deep understanding of her mother, Shane expressed her difficulty in encapsulating the essence of her mother’s life. It was during this moment that Shane turned to her sisters for guidance, and her younger sister handed her their mother’s phone. She writes:
“She said, ‘I think what you need is in here.’ Among the notes, she discovered a document titled ‘To My Girls,’ composed at 11:27 AM on May 21st, 2021.”
Her mom had written her own obituary.
Shane writes:
“Beverly Ann Foster understood the assignment and narrated her own story and I was able to share the highlights of how she filled in the dash with the world. This last message from my mom encouraged me to take a more active role in narrating my own story.”
Beverly Ann Foster’s inter-generational dialogue with her daughter, which led to the crafting of her own ethical will, and Shane’s quest for understanding about her late mother, beautifully highlight the profound influence personal narratives have on our identities and legacies.
Beverly Ann Foster’s self-written obituary was more than a reflection of her life; it was an act of love for future generations. Her legacy letter to her daughters, grounded in the power of self-narration, epitomizes the enduring bond between a mother and her children. The rich treasure left by Beverly became a source of inspiration for Shane to take charge of narrating her own story. This process serves as a potent reminder that our personal stories shape not only who we are but also what we leave behind.
It serves as a testament to the importance of preserving personal stories and passing on the wisdom, strength, and love that shape our lives. By taking control of her own narrative, Beverly Ann Foster not only crafted a powerful legacy for her daughters, but she also inspired others to embrace the transformative potential of self-narration. Her act of self-authorship became a beacon of empowermen,t and a call to action for her daughters to write their own stories.
Embracing the Power to SHINE: Rewriting Narratives and Illuminating Paths
Following her powerful proclamation to take control over her own narrative, Shane does precisely that. In the ensuing pages of her chapter, she shares tales from earning a spot in an enrichment program during despite discouragement from an unhelpful teacher in sixth grade, and the fond memory of winning an invention contest in her youth — a moment that signaled to her that she was not constrained by the stories others project on her. She further narrates her shift from medical school to middle school science teaching, steering through divorce, bankruptcy, and single motherhood, and finally leading a nationally recognized nonprofit promoting girls’ involvement in STEM fields.
These pivotal moments in Shane’s life all presented obstacles that eventually transformed into gateways of opportunity with the passage of time. They ushered Shane towards a profound comprehension of the values and wisdom that guide her through life’s challenges.
Shane writes:
In the classic horror story The Shining, Dick Halloran tells the young boy, “Some places are like people; some shine and some don’t.” For me, to SHINE means one must:
(S)elect the path you want to take
(H)ave a plan to reach the end
(I)nitiate the plan
(N)avigate the “Nos” that will happen and
(E)ncourage yourself and enjoy your walk on this path.
When we take ownership of our narratives, as suggested in Shane’s SHINE acronym, we gain the power to shape our perceptions, choose our responses, and rewrite the narratives that define us. Just as Shane’s journey illuminates the transformative potential of self-narration, so too does the practice of shining brightly in our own lives.
Because, by embracing our role as narrators, we become the authors of our own stories, weaving together the threads of our experiences with intention, purpose, and resilience.
Shane’s story, bolstered by her mother’s story, serves as a tacit reminder that that our narratives are not static; they are dynamic, ever-evolving works of art that we have the power to infuse with beauty. When we reclaim this power to define and assign meaning to our stories, we shed the limitations of past narratives and step into a future defined by our own visions.
Shaping Our Stories: Creating a Legacy Through Narrative Sharing
What greater blessing do you have to offer than the sharing of your life?
What more powerful way of sharing a life than telling your stories?
Who does not wish to bless those they love? Why not start now?
These three questions concluded the opening chapter of a book that has taken up permanent residence on my nightstand. I first discovered Creating a Spiritual Legacy: How to Share Your Stories, Values, and Wisdom by Daniel Taylor in 2018. I was pregnant with my daughter Nola, and for the first time began thinking about the prospect of publishing my diaries as a family legacy asset.
Four years, and three self-published books later, I was motivated to establish a publishing company to help other BIPOC women create personal historical assets for future generations. At the time of writing this essay (mid-2023), despite filing my LLC paperwork at 2022’s end, I still haven’t invited others into my vision of flooding the market with empowered narratives by those whose histories have been most distorted.
The irony of this isn’t lost on me. I’m a personal historian committed to preserving family legacy through public sharing of my private writings, yet I’m allowing an outdated mindset to prevent me from launching the publishing company of my literal dreams. It has been disappointing to say the least that my passion for this work has not lined up with my progress in this venture.
Enter Shane Woods.
In my latest exchange with her, I wrote:
Even though all details haven’t been finalized yet regarding Once Upon A Mind’s platform launch — I want you to be the first to know about my plans of hosting a seminar this fall focusing on creating an ethical/spiritual will. The intent is for participants to end the seminar with a composite package of heirloom assets that can be shared internally with family, or even published publicly as a memoir.
This has been the vision behind Once Upon A Mind, since the seed was first planted that night last year. I’ve talked myself out of launching so many times, even though it was such a clear vision in my heart — and even though I’ve spent the last four years intentionally creating a spiritual will for Nola in the form of my diaries. But after reading the poignant story of your search for words about your mother’s values, and learning that she composed a letter especially for you and your sisters, — I knew I wasn’t alone in valuing this important work.
From Alice Walker’s recognition of the urgency to preserve stories to Beverly Ann Foster’s self-written obituary and Shane Woods’ journey of uncovering her mother’s values, we are reminded of the importance of mothers and daughters documenting our experiences, embracing our agency as narrators, and rewriting the narratives that define us.
These transformative narratives intertwine to reveal the power of self-narration in shaping our lives and leaving a lasting impact on future generations. By sharing our stories, we create a tangible record of our wisdom, strength, and love, leaving behind a legacy that transcends time and resonates with those who come after us.
As I reflect on my own journey, I am reminded of the responsibility and privilege of being the narrator of my own story, and I am inspired to take action, embrace my vision, and invite others to join me in reclaiming our authority and empowering future generations.
I am determined now more than ever to overcome obstacles of self-doubt, and forge ahead with my mission of preserving and sharing personal narratives. I believe in the profound impact they can have on shaping our collective identity, and empowering future generations.
So, let us seize the opportunity to shape our narratives with intention, and live the most exciting and transformative stories of our lives.
Sydney Stoudmire is the founder of Once Upon A Mind, a publishing company that specializes in empowering individuals to share their personal narratives and rewrite the stories of their lives. Subscribe to her newsletter to receive essays that will challenge and invite to you question the narratives that have shaped your life.
